was blog hopping earlier on while waiting for the air con man to finish fixing the air con, saw many blogs mentioning my late father. its very touching. especially my brother's buddy. the day my dad had accident was actually his bday. they dump everything down and rushed down to hospital to accompany my brother. he even talked to my dad that his bday wish was to see my father waking up. but my father never did. it's going to be a month soon. soon it will be my dad's 49 days and after that 100 days. i hope by then everyone had overcome a little bit of grief even though i know it aint easy. time will heal i guess.

i should be in school right now having lessons but, here i am staying at home. well becoz, there's this man who is coming to fix my mum's room air con.. there shouldnt be any problem at all at 1st. but sporeans thus will always be sporeans. they love complaining. in fact i like to complain too. but to certain extend only.

i think my neighbour should be more than happy now that no one is going to disturb her sleep at night anymore. becoz by writing to HDB to complain abt my air con is making a lot of noises and its leaking, she will have a good night rest. to think that she even talked to my mum before and smiling so nicely to her. but ACTUALLY, she is a wolf in disguise!!! she complained behind my mum's back. damn her!!!

"i shall add extra ingredients to ur food every now and then by STOMPING on the floor with my heavy weight and causing u having stomachache EVERYDAY! then i shall complained you saying u dirty our environment to the HDB! becoz u are going to shit everyday without FAIL!!"
above are my angry words. becoz i hate useless people! *angelic smile*

so angry!!! making my family have to spend extra money becoz of this and we gonna have to fix it within 2 weeks. idiot.. i'm going to haunt her!!!

i had missed enough of school now. i guessed i gonna have a lot to catch up before its too late. actions speaks louder than words. we shall see what i am up to again.

tune in for more soon. tata

i dun understand why is there so childish people around in this world. are they around to brighten up our daily's life or are they just around to make a fool out of themselves?

tell me, what does the word "liar" means? lying? or plainly just becoz u cant make it to a movie or u didnt wanna watch it or EVEN u decided to watch it at the very last min? so what does it really? well, seriously i think. there are useless people out there who are meant to make a fool out of themselves for no reason. i guess everyone of us met before.

hehe. just voicing out my views.

you see.. i tried uploading pictures for this post but to noavail.. coz i bet everyone is bored by my always-so-sad blog since my dad passed away...

i dunno why the uploading cant work.. damn it. but i will try to get it done asap. so that i wun lose all my readers.. tata

i wanna go on a overseas trip to relax for a time being... i wanna bring my family along... but it wont be easy...

how long do we need to take?

sore eyes now. damn it.

i'm still not used not having my dad around. everything seems so different now.

no more voices from my dad.
no more his coughing sounds.
no more his ciggies' small.
no more his naggings.
no more plucking his white hair.
no more him say "i pretty a not?".
no more him in my life anymore.

i'm really very sad. i had been cryign secretly to myself lately. this grief is so hard to get over. seriously i might not be able to overcome this loneliness in the near future.

i think i dreamt of my dad last night. i'm not quite sure if i did. i dun seem to remember a single thing. i only remembered my papa hugging me and my brother in the dream. i remembered looking into my papa's eyes... his eyes was red.. probably he was fighting his tears in front of me and my brother.

papa, did u come into my dream last night?

i miss you a lot...

do i look like a malay? NBZ

went traffic police HQ today... there are 2 witnesses. i'm not sure of the outcome yet. it gonna takes about 4 to 8 mths before i can actually know the complete case. i'm very stressed now. my dad's case and as well as my studies... my head is going to burst!! everything seems to be handling by me.. haiz...

i think i am still not coping well with the loss of my dad. i guess my mum and brother too. mum still kept on crying at the mention of dad. my brother on the other hand, will scold my mum for crying. i know he meant well. he didnt wan to see my mum always being so upset. i know he misses dad too but he dun show it. i wonder how long the 3 of us need to heal. probably it will be a very long long time....

i read many people's blog today the whole day becoz i'm at home doing absolutely nothing. i realised many of my frenz had graduated from wherever they are studying. and some in their last year of poly life. i envy them. and at the same time angry with myself. becoz i nv did well for studies when i am in sec sch. as for me now, i'm still stuck in ITE. my education level is always lower than all my frenz. i felt such a disgrace for myself. i'm just so useless. maybe my parents was right in the past, i never meant the material for studies.

met up with emily for a quick lunch with her mr dummy at jurong point. becoz i'm bored at home. next week i will be going back to school and concentrate fully on my studies le. hopefully by then, i am back to myself again.

went celebrated yanyan's bday on wednesday at Fish and Co. another sinful meal since the 30 plates of food before wednesday. i am already so fat le... bad me.. LOL hope she enjoyed herself that day.

happy belated birthday yanyan!!! 21 liao le... hehe.. grow taller hor? LOL




















papa, talked to mummy just now... she misses you a lot... a single word about you will bring tears to her eyes. in fact she asked me yesterday have i accepted you being away from us forever a not.. i dunno how to ans her. i said dunno. i didnt wanna upset her. becoz i still cant accept you being away. its too sudden. papa, what exactly happen? i really wish to know. will you please come into my dream and tell me?

papa, i miss you dearly...

went thru some pics just now... see papa again...

my birthday u were there to celebrate for me. u blew candles with me. sang birthday song for me. u took pics with me. u wanted to be in every photo i am in.

but right now, it seems that u will never be with me again. papa, i still cant accept the fact that you are really gone. i miss you dearly. this feeling is so bad that i really dunno how to describe.

u had gone to a far far away place and will never be back. i'm still learning the fact.

papa, please bless us. i know u miss us too.

i promise you will always be in our hearts. and be with us mentally.

i love you.















met up with my frenz ytd. to have dinner together. sinful dinner i mean. we must haven eaten like there's no tomorrow. guys could have been frighten away by us. LOL too bad no1 brought digital camera. if not u could have seen our food and us eating like a glutton. damn. i am still so full right now. maybe i should go toilet and force all the shit to come out now. hehe

i'm sorry but i got no choice but to keep posting sad entries. i really need to voice out my sadness inside me. if u ppl dun feel like reading then just close this window.

it had been a week since i last saw u papa.

it had been the longest time that i haven seen u for so long and i know the time will get even longer as time passes by.

are you really gone?

for this 1 week, have u come back and see us?

who is taking care of you now? ah ma and ah gong ma?

how are u coping on?

do u have to work there?

do u still smoke? if yes, cut down ur smoking ya? not very good for health

there are so many qns i wanna ask u papa, but i know i will never get an answer.

ur frenz told us ua re a good man and all along i knew it. u are a jovial person. u brightened up many ppl's life. when i was younger, i felt ashamed of what u did, but as i gets older, i know u meant well. i'm sorry papa. to have mistaken u. papa, i missed u every hour everymin every secs u know ma? the pain is still there. i cant help but to keep thinking.. papa, sorry.

i'm praying for you everyday. hope u will rest well there. we wun be a burden anymore to u. i will take over ur responsbility papa. you will always be in my heart.

if there's really another lifetime, i wanna be your daughter again. for many many many lifetimes.
becoz i know for sure, u are a husband, a good father and a good man.

papa, rest in peace.

finally everything had came to an end. my dad had completed his journey of life. leaving my mum, my brother and me behind. i'm sad but i had to be strong. to be strong enough to take care of my mother and my younger brother. i was never brave this 1 week. i was weak. i never did much to cherish my time with my dad. only to make him angry and worried about me. i wanted to make up to him, but it's too late now. but i will be strong.

memories since young flashed back. from me a baby to a young kid going kindergarten then to pri school and to secondary school. he never asked much about my studies. as long as i did my best, he will be glad. i never done things to make him proud. created so much trouble for my dad. he had always dote me. love me. care for me. but he doesn't know how to express himself well. i know de. but i never tell him. i guess i will never have a chance to tell him i love him.

papa, how are you doing there? can u hear us or sees us? do you know ho wmuch all of us miss u? why dun u wake up and talk to us? i broke down many times. i tried my very best to stay strong but i cant, the thoughts fo you makes me sad. becoz i really do miss you a lot. now, u are not with us physically anymore but u will live inside us mentally. our wound will heal but we need time. i guess it will be a very long time. and now, u are on a very very very long vacation. you will never be back again. i will keep my words to study well and take good care of mum mum and didi. please look after us. i will be graduating next march, i wonder can i cope on my studies well a not. no matter what, i will try hard. papa, life without you will be so liveless... i can no longer hear ur voice. i can no longer see u in front of me. i can never help u pluck ur white strand of mousetache or hair anymore. i can never bring you out for good food anymore. papa, i really cant help it but to cry. i know u will never read this entry but i know u can feel how much i love you. if time could turn back, i will have taken the cahnce well. but everything's too bad now. what's done cannot be undone. i will live well. i hope u will do well at the other side too.

papa, i love you.








and through this incident, i knew who my true frenz really are. i dun have to mention much. i need a good rest. a long long rest. give me time peeps. i will be back to myself soon.

papa... wake up please.. we are all waiting for you..

papa, i miss you...

papa.... COME BACK...

this entry is full of pics.. so bear with it with all the loadings.. =)





morning view. i like this!

i'm trying to be artistic here

i always love the view outside my house

yes. trying to have another artistic shot

the sky. i wish i have dreams that big

some random pics i took yesterday. using my brother's digital camera. LOL below will be pics for my birthday.

my ladies. miao wasnt there yet

we are so pretty!!

i am cute hor? LOL

cake from Emily and gang of her class

look!!! burger king sia!!

of cos not burger king. its my present! the levis watch me aiming for!!! thanks everyone!!!

see.. i've got ladies' charm. i mean pretty ladies!

yes. i work part time at "zheng fa seafood" LOL

this is how tiger prawn come about =)

damn. why am i owaz so adorable? LOL

time to lose weight, Fenz!!!

mummy bought me this!

happy!!! but i got panda eyes

i got a very skinny brother

i thank everyone who had made my birthday an enjoyable time this year. i'm glad most of you still remember my birthday. really very touched. thanks for the wishes through SMS or online and the presents i had received. i'm glad to have all of you as my friends. i will treasure these moments. god bless all of you.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MYSELF!!!!


I'm The Birthday Girl!!!

posted this post earlier becoz i'm so dead tired after school... time always passes by so slowly when i'm in school...

i am in class blogging now. school's started today. i dun understand why do i have to travel such a long distance and come school doing nothing. well, maybe it's the first day today thats why ba. *smiles* i'm admiring myself right now. i'm bored. who can resist such a cutie like me? LOL

okie announcement. my class name had changed. from PM0504K to now, PM0504W. W is such a hard word to pronounce siah.. my tongue is tied. LOL

alright. better head off to get a short nap asap. i'm so tired. and yes, time table sux this sem. DAMN it..

off i go...

tata

been so busy since ytd till today. just got home from steamboat session with my buddy's classmates and yes, i received 3 birthday presents today. i am really very touched. their efforts their everything.. i thought things meant be different this year but no, my friends all brighten up my day. i'm really glad. i love you people!

i wanna thanks amy and michelle. for accompanying me out for KTV session and sushi treat. and the Hugo Perfume(Deep Red) by Amy and the big watch by Michelle. i really like it.

i wanna thanks these group of people, Emily, Serene, HuiLin,Cindy, Peiying, Alvin, ChewYan, ChewYan's BF, Yiyi, Yiyi's BF, Junan, KhyeMun, John, Marcus, YiLong and Melvin (did i leave anyone out?) for that Levis Watch i had been aiming for. i love that!

and ya, Emily and her Mr Dummy, Alvin, for making out a good story plot and making me believe and falling for it. i thought both of you really quarrelled u know?? and Alvin, thanks for going in to Burger King to get the paper and plastic bag to "wrap" the watch. at first, i thought u ppl were giving me a plank becoz i had always "bully" you. LOL

thanks to everyone who had made my day from yesterday till today. especially Emily le.. though she is so so broke (sounds familiar, emily? LOL)

last but not least, i shall end with my lovely nice pic!



cute me!

the pics of everything will be posted once i received all of them. stay tune frenz!!