we used to be so in love...

we used to be so loving...

we used to be fighting with each other...

we used to be pulling each other's legs...

we used to be kissing each other...

we used to be hugging each other to sleep...

we used to be looking into each other's eyes...

in fact, too many "used to be" already...

anyway. not sad post. met him today. so ya know, memories tend to flow back so i happened to think about it. i'm fine. no worries. just wanna blog out how i felt. =)



my mum is getting better and i'm glad she is. i hope things will get even better when time passes by. my brother went to sleep very early today. bet he is too tired as school reopens today. hope he will work hard even though i know JC work ain't that easy after all. =)

2 class tests for me tomorrow. wish me luck. gonna go mug for it le... COM here i come!!

papa, pray for me too ok? love ya...

i read this blog today in school. tears almost well up my eyes as i read her every entry.

it just reminds me of my late father. =)

hi people. i just got home from...





































got it?

and yes. i'm married.

proof hor! my wedding ring on my finger




























































ok la... i'm kidding la. (funny a not?)



i went fort canning green today. its at fort canning park there. there was this union sort of things which organise outings for family.


tada!!!

look at the crowd

before i actually get into further about this trip, i was surprised when i reached the place. why?

me: mama, wo men qu zhe ge di fang zhuo shen mer? (ma, what are we here for?)

mum: wo men qu kan xing xing (we are going to watch xing xing)

me: xing xing? shi dong wu yuan de xing xing hai shi tian shang de xing xing?

mum: wo bu zhi dao.. ( i dunno)

so i was wondering what xing xing are we going to see. my mind was either this;

or this;


well, never mind. i will let u all know what it turn out to be at the end of the entry.

continuing my previous part.

i had my first ever massage in my life.

i ought to be enjoying but...

i'm in freaking pain!!

my expression told u how i felt at that very moment. =)

i had a sketch of myself by an unknown artist. i shan't show you his pic. you will know why i said this when u see the next picture.

the pic is nicely drawn. but it doesnt look like me except the specs part. wonderful. mummy had one too!!

long time nv see this smile le

and i love these 3 kids!!! 2 adorable young kiddies and my brother is included too. total = 3 kiddies!!!

i love disturbing them.


it had been a long entry with pics after so long. and now i shall reveal whats the xing xing all about.

KING KONG the movie. *shakes head* i watched before on the day it started at GV.

that was the xing xing we had been talking about. and i was thinking all these while that we are going to see live xing xing.

(-__________________________-")

i made a trip to the library earlier. i read something. which made me realised something.

never try to avoid sum1 who had lost their loved ones, treat them as per normal, if not that sum1 will only feel worse than before. becoz he/she will think this world no one cares. especially the FRIENDS part who made a BIG part in their life.

i'm not close to any of my friends anymore.

everyone hates me i guess.

i already said. i'm suffering from depression soon.

i dread going school because no one talks to me.

i'm an idiot. i studied for tests but no one actually says i'm good in fact.

i hate this world. i'm a single parented child now. people look down because i am poor.

i wish i was the one suffering in pain for my dad. i rather die than him passing away. this world is full of pain for me. no one will actually care if i am gone.

i see no point in relying on my friends anymore. i'm just a burden.

i will always hide myself in a corner. everyone seems to have so many friends. they always go out and i'm always not included. yes. they hate me. they will only find me nuisance. they will feel uncomfortable with me around them.

people reading this will probably think i am very bo liao to update this entry. but i'm NOT. i blog abt how i feel. i'm not trying to gain any sympathy from anyone. but this is the truth inside me. well, why must i clarify myself? people wont care.

i will just fuck off...

its fathers' day today!!

i wish all my friends out there happily celebrating this special day with their beloved fathers. =)





20 years living in this world, i never celebrated fathers day with my papa at all. not even a single time. his birthday too. what a daughter i am right? LOL

what my mum said today was right. i only learnt to cherish when my dad is no longer around.

people, treasure everyone beside you every moment. u never know what will happen the next minute at all.





mummy: shi qu ni de papa shi mama yi sheng de tong ku...
me: *sobs*

i think everyone around me had changed. not the usual ones i seem to know these days. in fact, i'm kinda disappointed. i dun wanna name out these people. nobody will know who am i referring to actually. not just one but many.

are my friends really all changing? or am i the one who had changed? i felt that after my dad's death, everyone had been treating me differently. do i need those pity at all? can't people treat me normally? its a pain to lose my loved ones but that doesn't give anyone any rights to actually give me different look. seriously, i'm very very very disappointed. dunno if it's myself fault or other people.

is it because the times i never go school or going out to meet friends caused me all these distances between all of my friends or wat? or people had just hated me all along? perhaps so. no one actually likes me that much. like i had always said, i'm a failure.

especially my school friends. no one seems to be talking to me anymore. i had to initiate a conversation with them instead. i'm infamous i know. they read everyone's blog except mine. they tagged at everyone's blog except mine. does my entries really bored so many people? if that's so, i shall not post anything again. i'm sad to lose my father. cant i just voice out my sad thoughts. my mum cried everyday. my brother always out. i'm like getting a depression soon. but i still have to stay strong. it's very tiring. WHY MUST I BE PRETENDING TO BE HAPPY WHEN I AM NOT???? WHY NO ONE HAD ASKED AM I REALLY HAPPY NOW or wat? i'm typing now and my tears are flowing down my eyes. forget it, no one cares. let it be. i made people hate me more.

no. i'm not having any PMS. i am really feeling sad all these while. no one seems to ask me why. i'm just pretending, can't u all see?

i do treasure friendship. but people take me for granted. they never treat me as friends. whatever topic they talk about, i must seem interested. as for me, whenever i talk, no one seems to take it to heart. are my words really that worthless? why can't people just understand me? why must i be the one who goes around making a fool out of myself to entertain people? who do i live for?

the distance between my friends and me are drifting apart... further than what i had thought to be.

well i guess, i dun have much friends after all. just a loner without a father anymore.

i got something important to announce.








i'm chewing a lollipop right now! in school.. to be exact, in my practical lab now!

cheer on!

was having lunch with my brother just now. been some time since my mum last cooked. she is not at home now. went out with my uncle to CK at jurong west. was chatting with my brother and i told him about my mum had been crying almost everyday, well in fact, everyday without fail. my parents are actually deeply in love with each other. they must have been through a lot of things together.

if i said i am not sad anymore, i'm bluffing everyone. i do misses my dad everyday. i thought of his everything. from young till the very last day he is on this earth. he dotes on me too. but i was rebellious to even talk nicely to him. always shouting at him. saying he is bias and whatsoever shit. i'm so wrong. when the moment i received the call saying my dad is in hospital, i was worried sick. for the 3 days in ICU, i stayed there every night just to accompany him and talked to him like never before. i hope he will wake up, but he didnt. he left us. to a much happier place.

my mum is really very sad. i really dunno what to say to console her. seeing her cry, my heart sank down deeply. i miss my dad as much as she does. but perhaps, they had been together for over 2 decades. their love is too strong. they met thru matchmaking thru my relative. they fell in love at the 1st sight, how romantic isnt it? but my dad only wanted to be married with my mum for 23 years only... i'm 20 and my brother is 17. to think my dad left my brother when my brother just got into JC. he haven even got in NS yet. my dad's greatedt wish is to see my brother graduate from university. but he will no longer be around to see him in his graduation robe and that square hat. i did nothing to bring him pride. what a disappointment!

i know time can never be turned back anymore. learning the fact my dad is gone is really a tough matter.

taking care of my mum and brother is my greatest responsibility now. i believed i had grown up more than anyone else ba.

staying at home is my way of passing time as leisure right now. to take care of my mum.

god bless us...





papa, rest in peace. for i know u will always look after us wherever u are...

i'm so busy today. did lots of stuff. packing my room was a tough job sia... threw away a lot of things. i realised i got lots of rubbish in my room. nvm.. i shall let the pics do the talking.



my messy desk

after some tidying...

clean clean!!

take a look at my bed.. i haven been sleeping in my room for 1 month plus le.. thus, it turn out to be... like this...


yucks!!

but no worries....


tadaaaaa..

becoz i had gotten a laptop... i am removing my desktop in my room...


byebye desktop

from something to nothing... hehe...

big big space now


my room is very tidy now. praise me everyone!! faster!!! i'm a good ger after all.
so i love myself more now.. lalalalalala


and ya, i shall show u ppl my laptop.. not showing off, just wanna update some stuff ma.. if not its plain looking at my blog right?


toshiba

i got the same laptop as my brother. so in order not to get us confused. i did something to it.


yes!! its G-Mask!!! $88

i'm not rich. just happened to have money dropped from the sky thats all. believe me!!! LOL

i got a mizuno bag. i love it a lot. after 20% discount, it costs about $60. i am in love with my new bag.








my new bag nice ma? hehe



had a mini gathering with my primary school mates last night. i thought it was going to be boring coz been a very long time since i last saw them. but hell no, we got tons of craps to talk about! haha... world cup!! faster organise go pub or coffeeshops to see world cup together!!! i wan see people jumping out from their seats!! yipeee!!!!!

hurry!!!

World Cup fever is here again!!!

i'm now at home typing this entry. too tired to head to school. slept very late last night. my god. i am so lazy. but will be revising some of my work later without fail. i'm not going to fail anymore already. i hope i aint too late.


emily send me this pic

cute a not?

it had been a month without you papa. indeed time flies. how are you getting on there? do you come back and see us often? do u miss me as much as we do? i know i cant hear you anymore. i had came to accept the fact now. but i still needs time to heal papa. we miss you so.

and ya! its ah bird's birthday today! happy birthday ger! sweet 20 wor! hope you enjoy urself this day.

happy birthday Peiying!

i'm in school now typing this entry... my desktop is going to be down soon.. yes i mean very soon. but fear not, my mum bought a new laptop for me. which is totally the same as my brother's. its fair la i think.. we both had the same things then wun quarrel over whose good whose bad.. LOL

the laptop idea is my dad wanna get me one oso de.. i mean before his death. i aint sad anymore but i miss him badly. yes, this grief aint easy but i will overcome it.

i managed to be freed from his crutches from now on. its a lift from my heart... i felt so relieved now.. i hope this is for good... i guess we wont be friends anymore le ba... well... fated ba.. he just dun understand what i'm going thru. i'm glad now everything is over.

i wish u all the best.

my whole body is aching now! my intensive badminton training is back once again! OMG!! 3 hours non-stop of training. its the truth!!! the coach didnt let us rest! if everyday, i'm train like this, think i gonna be a pretty lady!! but, i aint got so much determination. WAHAHAAHAHA

i believe all relationships takes 2 hands to clap de. so my friend, hang on there. i believe both you and guy will work it out de... it's all about time. so be happy!

and i slept for 14 hours since 8.30pm last night. shiok eh? i am just so tired ma, cannot blame me ok? hehe...

my fingers are aching oso.. so i cant blog much. take care peeps!

update soon ya? tata