it's going to be the end of the year 2006 already. have any of you think about your new year resolution already? time flies ya? thinking back, have anyone of you regretted doing things that you shouldnt have done? for me, yes i did. year 2007 coming, i hope history wont repeat again.

going 21 next year le, i'm thinking about my future already. i know studying aint my cup of tea. probably will work 1st before i decide what do i really want. all these wasnt in my mind when i was in secondary school. i thought i just graduated from my O levels yesterday. 16 to 21... 5 years had gone. i'm beginning to worry about my own future. i scare i might b a failure. many thoughts inside me. in a mess in fact.

i wish i can study hard but i am just too lazy. wireless technology. izzit truly what i want? will i still in IT line when i graduate? dun think so ba. my path towards my future is misty. i cant see where i'm heading.



i'm typing this entry i my office. risking my life msn-ing too! cheers!

i dun understand why are they so many fucking retards surrounding me? especially those DARK SKINNED non chinese fuckers at my workplace.. totally brainless and FUCKING stupid.

i watched the repeat telecast of "Superstar" today. i dun find it as interesting as the 1st season. probably is becoz this season aint much lookers in it. and i believe there won't be any more season after this one. the all the contestants are ugly. guys not handsome, gers average looking only. whats the point of having this contest when they is no superstar look alike right? its just a waste of time loh. and what disgust me the most, when this ger was announced out, she cried like nobody business. come on! its just the 1st round only loh. cry for wat? its not like u are at the last round and going to finals already. and there is this guy, kaoz!! worse than any guy i ever seen, so ugly and he acted like machiam he is so bloody handsome. ya la, handsome when he is cover in blood la. see his face, i wanna puke and smack his face straight liao. ER XIN is the words to describe loh... cannot make it la this "superstar" season! DAMN. dun watch it!! not recommended at all. 0 starts given by FENZ. take note.


another thing is, i begin to NOT trust people i just knew recently. i dunno why. i just begin to take caution of every new people i met. especially their words. duno whether its the truth or just plain shit of lies. its hard to actually believe every single words. i'm not saying i dun lie, i do lie when i think i have to. but telling lies and making up story are 2 different things u know? i believe some of my friends will know what i am talking here. and perhaps they will even know who i am talking about. u see, i do treat her as a fren, but what she had been telling me and my friends are so plain ridiculous that its so hard to believe. i dun believe anyone in this world can actually go thru things without any obstacles at all. i seriously dun believe! be it u are rich or not, i bet there are still obstacles u need to go thru before u can succeed. and hard work is the key to success. plain bullshit just stand aside la. for fuck make up stories? i oso can wad. just that i dun wan to. becoz i dun wan to gain unnecessary attention. no point la.

i'm just very disappointed in her. very. perhaps i can only treat her as an entertainment rather than a good fren. disappointment once is enough.

if she is reading this, which i doubt so, i hope she will wake up her mind. =)



enough of my rantings. i'm addicted to a mahjong game i just bought. so dead tired now.

tml is another torturing day. where u need to see all unwanted people in the same room and they are of different colours. =X

sigh.

good night all. tata

just got home from a dinner with my mum and brother at commonwealth drive. actually it was meant for my dad to go de, but he aint around anymore. so we went on his behalf. indeed time flies, 1/2 a year since he is gone. i hope my dad is doing well out there. =)





i realised my mum had aged a lot all these time. and she no longer laugh much like she used to laugh. she is getting older. but no worries, i will take care of her.





my blog no pic these days. so for this entry, i will post these 2 lovely pics i had taken.

i had never been so close to a lamborghini before. normally i will see it on the roads and Zoom they went... never had a chance to take hor. can touch somemore loh. it's under my office loh. ah nei drives de.

and because i had never been so close to it before, i shall take a pic to remember for the rest of my life.

haha!!! yes i am a mountain tortoise.

i'm thinking on a better track now. probably i learnt to grow up a little more than before. i heed advice from everyone who managed to brainwash me. i'm feeling better already. i decided to let go instead of holding on. if i love him, i should let him be happy. as time passes by, i'm sure he will always be part of my memories.

on a happier note, i think i had spent my time wisely for the past few days. enjoying myself to the fullest, laughed like i never laugh before. its great to let off this kind of feelings at times, the feeling is just so incredible. haha. i'm mad la ok? dunno what am i typing here too.

anyway, christmas is coming. how are you guys going to celebrate? share share with me leh. tag like u never tag before leh. my tagboard is so quiet loh. sigh!!

TAG OK!!! thanks thanks.

muacks. nitez all.

my brother bought watermelon for me! why do i sound so excited? becoz i merely asked him over the phone earlier and i wasn't expecting him to buy loh. he really surprised me!

so touched!

the watermelon tastes so sweet!! so nice!!


muacks JY!

dead tired.

hate my working life. hate my attachment. terrible place. terrible people. all sucks.


i shouldn't be so racist anymore but i can't help it. fuck.




anyway, staying home for this whole week after work, no money liao. need to wait for the next pay day. which is the 1st dec. long wait sia!!! sigh.
















i am beginning to feel pekchek at the slightest things i'm doing. i dunno why. 1st time i am feeling like this. it sucks big time. why do i feel so short tempered lately?
whats happening? damn

seriously one word, i hate my attachment. sigh.

and i'm still sick.

nothing much happened. last weekend went shangri-la's at sentosa with mum and brother. i was sick so i didnt quite enjoy myself. my brother bought a lot of things. adidas stuff. envy. nothing really attracts me so i didnt buy anything..... till sunday evening.... LOL




guess what did i buy?





nokia N80!!!! hahaha. ya la. expensive. =X me not rich. just wanna change to a better phone so that i wun keep on changing phone again. which i hope so to0! LOL

i think i am fatter than before. sigh. lose weight!!! teach me!!!


anyway, this saturday, i'm going to meet my friends. yesh, my ladies. LOL. been a while since i last saw them. wonder have they become more pretty le ma.

emily - hope she slim down liao. LOL
serene - hope her eyes bigger. LOL
huilin - will she be tanned? haha
cindy - grow taller? LOL
peiying - slim down too? WAHAHAHAH

to end off this entry,





i'm DA MAN!!! LOL

i'm sick like the 4th time in 2 freaking months. damn.

been wasting money on seeing doctor but well, kinda worth it. coz the doctor is handsome!!! LOL

i know u ppl must be thinking sick still can think about shuai ge right? cant be help la.. becoz i am "hao se" LOL

oh ya, i remove my long hair liao. i feel so carefree now. LOL. so shiok. i think short hair still suits me the best. easier to maintain. dun need to comb oso can. LOL


i'm coughing like hell now. save me!!

my mum made this for me and my brother to drink. guess its what?












its bird nest. hmmmm.. the taste is ermmmmmmm... no comments. =X

michelle sent me this below. i find it meaningful. read it.



Letting go. . .

Someone said... "Wallets are a lot like girls. You really have to take good care of, because if you won't, something might happen"...

I know what he means. I just lost a wallet, and I just lost a girl. You know, it's the exact same thing. One day, you just realize it's gone. You try to look for it everywhere, even going back to the places where you could have lost it.You think, and you think hard, only to come upon a grim realization: it's really gone.

Of course, you can hold on to some hope. After all, there have been some very, very lucky (blessed?) people who get it back. Perhaps you could become one of those people. You sit home and you hope that someone would call, and that you would get it back. But then, some time passes, and you realize that it's still gone, and you realize that it's time to let go.

The first few days, you turn to your friends for support. Some tell you you'll be ok, some tell you that it was your fault and that you should have been more careful, and some tell you about their own experiences.

They give you all sorts of advice, none you haven't heard before.You then go out to find a new wallet, only to realize that you don't really want a new one. You want the old one that you lost. No, you don't want all these better-looking wallets, you want yours, because of how comfortable it is, because of all the cards and pictures and other stuff in it.You go out and carry on without a wallet, keeping your money in your pocket instead.

You throw away stuff that you would have held on to if you had your old wallet. And then, finally, you find a new wallet you like and settle in. You then start filling your new wallet, little by little. It still doesn't feel as comfortable as the old one, but it's getting there.
Then you start putting in cards and pictures and other important stuff in the wallet. Soon enough, there's as much stuff in your new wallet as the old one. And then, after some time, you feel as comfortable with your new wallet. And then you realize that you've almost forgotten you ever had your old wallet.

Sure, you still remember most of the stuff you lost on that wallet. But then again, you don't remember the feeling of hurt that you felt when you lost it. That\'s because that wallet you lost is no longer your wallet. You're no longer holding on. This new wallet you\'re holding, it has all the important cards and pictures and stuff that you need.

This is your wallet. And this time, you tell yourself, you're never losing this one. :)

i'm blogging from my office now. so u can actually guess how free i am. doing nothing all day long. which i dun really like it. somehow i feel i am wasting time here. but whatever.

had been rather emotional these days. i dunno why. i really wish to get over him but it seems so hard. looking thru his friendster and read thru what his current gf had wrote for him, certainly pains me. why didnt i treasure him? why wasnt i there for him when he needed me to be there? why do i feel so hurt? i wish i am still with him. yet i wish i can get over him soon. 910 days relationship is so long for me. i never had a such long relationship before. my life so empty without him around. it seems so meaningless. i wish for time to turn back so that i can treat him better. i still love him. this love trap is so hard for me to get out. i miss him badly. =(

no one actually understands what i am going through. this year is terrible. losing my dad, losing him. i'm afraid of losing again. it hurts badly. i really wanna be truly happy again. i wish i can.


alan tan eng how, i miss you a lot, u know ma? i feel so hurt by you!!! life seems so meaningless without you by my side...





i am so tired today, i spent my weekend well. but i overspend. damn.

i think i got a cute brother. though i am cuter.


damn. i am so tired now.