forcing myself to really sit down in front of my laptop doing my assignment is really hard. but i made it. i had finished it. one down, one more to go!

comex starts today. anyone going?

watched "hairspray" earlier on with vincent susu. its a nice show! thumbs up! its funny and the songs are all very meaningful. do catch it! its worth the money. really!

yawns. tired already.

recently read a friend's blog, almost tear when i read the entry. now i really understand. guys do get hurt too. =)

omg! its just another freaking tired day!

time for bed.

i wanna dream about my hubby liao!!!

yum yum!

oh ya, there's an IT show coming of end of this month!

hmmmmm. sure got many guys going!!!!!! time to prepare and CHIONG!!!

WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA



ok la. time for my lalaland liao. miss me ok?



remember i said i want a bf who drives a bus?
i wan him drive single deck bus.
double decker bus makes me sick.
i scare have sex half way, i will puke right into his face. LOL

am i being long forgotten? or izzit that i'm not worth being remembered?

anyway, today was the praying for the 7th month on the lunar calender. it was so amazing for me because i had never been involved in it before. today, i finally had a part in it. haha! it was a great experience. though i didnt do much. haha. i was busy taking pictures everywhere.

lots of food too. it was a buffet style. of cos, i ate a lot. my manage told me if i dun eat means i dun give them face. so got to eat loh. i ate too full that when i reach my class, i was almost dozing off. and i did! i fell asleep during the break. and when i woke up, my lecturer was talking about another topic already. damn it. no1 wakes me up! haha. i think i was the only one who fell asleep ya.

its really tiring to be working and studying part time. once again, i gonna tell myself to hang on because this is the path that i had chosen. i must do it!

support me people!! thanks!

good night and sweet dreams tonight!

cant believe that i am typing this entry from national library now.

it had been ages since i last stepped in a library. LOL

the feeling is amazing i can say. haha

doing group project with my classmates. so horrible. dunno where to start from.

i'm left with about 2 weeks with my current company...

hmmmm.....

MAHJONG!!!!!

had my monthly facial today!

so cool. now my face feels so fresh. yum yum!

and i am hungry because i haven had my dinner yet.

macdonald!!!! heez




My future boyfriend has to be a bus driver. Why? So that I can have sex in the bus and roll around.

down on mood

down on luck

down on everything

i downloaded the pictures during the genting trip last weekend.

browse thru those pictures, cant help but to laugh in front of my laptop. so funny loh!

haha. shall post them up some time later coz i am simply too lazy to do so now. LOL

some people are just so shit that they only know how to piss off people. they are better off going elsewhere

its my fat brother's 18th birthday today!



happy birthday fatty!





see, told u, he is fat!

Many people believe love is a sensation that magically generates when Mr. or Ms. Right appears. No wonder so many people are single. An excerpt from "Head to Heart."

A few years ago, I spoke to a group of high-schoolers about the Jewish idea of love.

"Someone define love," I said.

No response.

"Doesn't anyone want to try?" I asked.

Still no response.

"Tell you what: I'll define it, and you raise your hands if you agree. Okay?"

Nods.

"Okay. Love is that feeling you get when you meet the right person."

Every hand went up. And I thought, Oy.

This is how many people approach a relationship. Consciously or unconsciously, they believe love is a sensation (based on physical and emotional attraction) that magically, spontaneously generates when Mr. or Ms. Right appears. And just as easily, it can spontaneously degenerate when the magic "just isn't there" anymore. You fall in love, and you can fall out of it.
The key word is passivity. Erich Fromm, in his famous treatise "The Art of Loving," noted the sad consequence of this misconception: "There is hardly any activity, any enterprise, which is started with such tremendous hopes and expectations, and yet, which fails so regularly, as love." (That was back in 1956 -- chances are he'd be even more pessimistic today.)

So what is love -- real, lasting love?
Love is the attachment that results from deeply appreciating another's goodness.


"Love is the attachment that results from deeply appreciating another's goodness."

The word "goodness" may surprise you. After all, most love stories don't feature a couple enraptured with each other's ethics. ("I'm captivated by your values!" he told her passionately. "And I've never met a man with such morals!" she cooed.) But in her study of real-life successful marriages ("The Good Marriage: How and Why Love Lasts"), Judith Wallerstein reports that "the value these couples placed on the partner's moral qualities was an unexpected finding."

To the Jewish mind, it isn't unexpected at all. What we value most in ourselves, we value most in others. God created us to see ourselves as good (hence our need to either rationalize or regret our wrongdoings). So, too, we seek goodness in others. Nice looks, an engaging personality, intelligence, and talent (all of which count for something) may attract you, but goodness is what moves you to love.

LOVE IS A CHOICE

If love comes from appreciating goodness, it needn't just happen -- you can make it happen. Love is active. You can create it. Just focus on the good in another person (and everyone has some). If you can do this easily, you'll love easily.

I was once at an intimate concert in which the performer, a deeply spiritual person, gazed warmly at his audience and said,
"I want you to know, I love you all." I smiled tolerantly and thought, "Sure."
Looking back, though, I realize my cynicism was misplaced. This man naturally saw the good in others, and our being there said enough about us that he could love us. Judaism actually idealizes this universal, unconditional love.
Obviously, there's a huge distance from here to the far more profound, personal love developed over the years, especially in marriage. But seeing goodness is the beginning.
Susan learned about this foundation of love after becoming engaged to David. When she called her parents to tell them the good news, they were elated. At the end of the conversation, her mother said,
"Darling, I want you to know we love you, and we love David."
Susan was a bit dubious. "Mom," she said hesitantly, "I really appreciate your feelings, but, in all honesty, how can you say you love someone you've never met?"

"By focusing on the good, you can love almost anyone"

"We're choosing to love him," her mother explained, "because love is a choice."
There's no better wisdom Susan's mother could have imparted to her before marriage. By focusing on the good, you can love almost anyone.

ACTIONS AFFECT FEELINGS

Now that you're feeling so warmly toward the entire human race, how can you deepen your love for someone? The way God created us, actions affect our feelings most.
For example, if you want to become more compassionate, thinking compassionate thoughts may be a start, but giving tzedaka (charity) will get you there.
Likewise, the best way to feel loving is to be loving -- and that means giving.
While most people believe love leads to giving, the truth (as Rabbi Eliyahu Dessler writes in his famous discourse on loving kindness) is exactly the opposite:

Giving leads to love.

What is giving?

When an enthusiastic handyman happily announces to his non- mechanically inclined wife, "Honey, wait till you see what I got you for your birthday -- a triple-decker toolbox!" that's not giving. Neither is a father's forcing violin lessons on his son because he himself always dreamed of being a virtuoso.

True giving, as Erich Fromm points out, is other-oriented, and requires four elements.

The first is care, demonstrating active concern for the recipient's life and growth.

The second is responsibility, responding to his or her expressed and unexpressed needs (particularly, in an adult relationship, emotional needs).

The third is respect, "the ability to see a person as he [or she] is, to be aware of his [or her] unique individuality," and, consequently, wanting that person to "grow and unfold as he [or she] is." These three components all depend upon the fourth, knowledge. You can care for, respond to, and respect another only as deeply as you know him or her.

OPENING YOURSELF TO OTHERS

The effect of genuine, other-oriented giving is profound. It allows you into another person's world and opens you up to perceiving his or her goodness. At the same time, it means investing part of yourself in the other, enabling you to love this person as you love yourself.

"The more you give, the more you love."

Many years ago, I met a woman whom I found very unpleasant. So I decided to try out the "giving leads to love" theory. One day I invited her for dinner. A few days later I offered to help her with a personal problem. On another occasion I read something she'd written and offered feedback and praise. Today we have a warm relationship. The more you give, the more you love. This is why your parents (who've given you more than you'll ever know) undoubtedly love you more than you love them, and you, in turn, will love your own children more than they'll love you.

Because deep, intimate love emanates from knowledge and giving, it comes not overnight but over time -- which nearly always means after marriage. The intensity many couples feel before marrying is usually great affection boosted by commonality, chemistry, and anticipation. These may be the seeds of love, but they have yet to sprout. On the wedding day, emotions run high, but true love should be at its lowest, because it will hopefully always be growing, as husband and wife give more and more to each other.

A woman I know once explained why she's been happily married for 25 years. "A relationship has its ups and downs," she told me. "The downs can be really low -- and when you're in one, you have three choices: Leave, stay in a loveless marriage, or choose to love your spouse."

Dr. Jill Murray (author of "But I Love Him: Protecting Your Daughter from Controlling, Abusive Dating Relationships") writes that if someone mistreats you while professing to love you, remember: "Love is a behavior." A relationship thrives when partners are committed to behaving lovingly through continual, unconditional giving -- not only saying, "I love you," but showing it.

read the above online. find it rather true.


didnt go for night class tonight, 1st time skipping my class. hmmm. tired la!
time for an early bed! nitez all!

i'm back!

anyone missed me? LOL

this trip is worth going. my group was almost stuck at casino for the first 2 days, except for Mr & Mrs Dummy. rene was sick so theme park was out for her. only till she vomited everything out, then she join us for indoor theme park games. we had tons of fun. especially the "Bumper Car" ride. all of us were so horrible that we even made a young kid cried. but she was in the wrong wad. we were like so happy when she cried? =X hahahahaha! i think we played from 9plus till 1am for the bumper ride.

that corkscrew ride, makes me screw my neck. damn it. now i can only turn my head 45 degrees, any turn more that the degree, my head will drop off. this ride is so horrible that i closes my eyes all the way and till i sense that i was upside down, i opened my eyes, and ya, i was hanging upside down for like 3 or 4 seconds? i only know when the ride is done, my eyes were filled with tears. i no balls la.. no guts. dun laugh ok?

in fact, this trip, i really did enjoy myself. had some girls talk with my ladies, knowing each other even better. except for the travelling part. too long already. and i dun like it. hopefully in the future, there are people who will find new and shorter ways to there. journey back was funny. everyone couldnt sleep, all were laughing. dunno why too. took lots of lame pictures and laughed at it. 3 days 2 nights were too short for us. it came fast, and it ended fast as well. looking forward to our next overseas trip again.

pictures not uploaded yet. so gonna wait ya? take care all! time for bed!

i hope this trip did allow me to sort out my thinking and what i want.
my heart is cold.
i no longer feel anything.

for the last few years in my teens, i had always rely on my parents for support, be it money wise or whatsoever stuff. now when u finally started working, i learnt to handle things on my own. i had to make my own decisions, use my own money that i earn, time management, learn to be more responsible, learn not to be lazt, etc etc. i think i had changed a lot. no matter how tired i am, i drag myself to work, still can go out play and then back home late and the routine starts all over again the next day. can't believe few months of work had changed me. maybe some of u may not think so, but i do feel it myself. =)
now i am going to change my career path to something related to my studies. i dunno if i will make the wrong move, but i had decided to go for it. i hope my interest will last me and i wont bring trouble to my friend who will be going to be my colleague as well.

time will tell.

chio a not??? tag me and tell me!!!! CHIO HOR??!! LOL

881 is a nice movie!

the songs are all very nice!

worth it!

go watch!!! LOL

saw emily too. haha.


this movie reminds me of my late father. LOL. nothing sad. just memories...

afternoon all! i had just woke up not long ago. yeah, again, its mahjong! ended this morning around 6.30am. 4 persons mahjong is fun but 3 persons mahjong aint bad either! haha.

I had thought about it carefully. I decided to tender my resignation first thing in the morning tomorrow. Hopefully i can start my new work beginning of next month. but this time, i got a friend who will coach me since i am a newcomer. the friend is bird bird loh. LOL

planning a trip to BKK in november though. hopefully can ar. coz i nv been on a plane before and i never been anywhere else further than malaysia. LOL


Note to my fren: i hope u are feeling better already. life goes on ya? free can ask me out ar. LOL yiyi very nice de! LOL

i will be colleagues with ah bird after i tendered my resignation.

hope things goes well for me.

hope i didnt make a rush decision. =)






at first i thought i made it... but then i realised, i didn't. i was fooling myself all along...

heading for an interview tml at ah bird's workplace. nope, i never pin on any hopes at all this time. because i dunno if i had made the right move right now. but there are still a lot of time for me to think again. anyway gonna thanks ah bird for introducing. =)



went out last night to where dawn is working. quite a high class place actually. better than where she used to work at serangoon. totally 2 different places. didnt manage to sing much because the waiting was so long and my eardrums were almost broken at some point of time. LOL well well, dinner at new york new pork wasnt very good. the food dun taste good but at least, i get to taste the food there. chatted with su su about many things. old people more experienced ma =). some things he said was right la, but then again, its my decision at the end of the day.



oh ya! i bought the SODOKU puzzle book and now i am addicted to it! haha.



ok la. i know u all miss me right? i shall let u see me then!




thats me! ages ago! see my hair? LOL nice hor!? hahaha

i always thought leaving a old job for a new job is easy. yet now, i dun think so anymore. yes. i'm thinking of resigning already not because i dont like my job, i just wanna do something related to what i studied so that i can learn. right now, i simply dont quite understand what logistics is all about. its tough. and i'm learning to be more discipline than before. i really hope i can make it. i hope my friends will support me as well.

last sunday my mum, brother and I had a chat during our lunch at home. talked about when we were both young. its really amazing to see how much both me and my bro had grown up. tears almost well up in my eyes when i learnt about it. my parents both worked hard to bring us up, its time for me to repay them now. though dad is not around now, i will double up to give what i can to my mum with my dad's share as well.



finally a year had almost passed. i took about a year to get over you. wish u happy always.

yeah! the time now is 12.50am and i am still not sleeping.

why? because i had a project discussion after my class earlier on. and i had just gotten home. great isnt it?

all thanks to those sleepless nights these days, that pimples had been popping out like never before. damn it. my cute face is gone!

TMD!!!


anyway, me not flirt hor!!!! i am just not serious. EWT@%@^@%$!#@R@

it was a hectic weekend for me. meeting up with friends whom i haven met for a long time and accompanying mum to anywhere she wanna go.

mahjong for 2 days was tiring coz i didnt get to rest well but the mahjong was fun. and guess what? i "zi mo" "shi san yao" myself on friday night. LOL i was shaking and shocked. i just cant believe it because it was the very last card on the table. haha.

it was thrilling la! LOL

anyway, my assignment is due tml and i have yet to start. gonna get prepared already. bye peeps!

hmmmm.

=)

work is piling up. assignments too.

tired as usual.


ZzzzzZZZzzzz

talking to a friend in msn now.

i'm just an outsider overall but still, i really wish both of you to be together again.

its sad to see couples not being together at the end of the day. it hurts. i know how it feels.

sort out your thinking ya? just hope that u and him can be back together again. =)