should i or shouldnt i?

i'm still thinking... it will be tough for me...

i dun have so much determination to do so...

still deciding which area...

sigh.

its time of the month for me again.

and i can't join my friends for dinner later.

=(

this is my MSN personal message,

"人都是返溅的 ALL HUMAN BEINGS ARE CHEAP!!!!"

why do i say this? because humans are never satisfied with what they have.

i dun deny that i fall into this category as well.

为什么人往往等到失去后才会懂得怎么珍惜？

in working society, you are already earning more than most of the peers around your age, but you are still not happy with it. so in order to achieve your wants, you resort to illegal means. the more you earn, the more you desire. therefore you take risks to meet your endless demand for money. but you will never know everything would come to nought eventually. and when that day comes, can u really brush it off and do not care about it? the answer is a definite "no".

touching on relationship, i always have the view that a relationship is from "like" to "love" then to "dependence". i believe many of you would share the same thought as me. if this is really the case, dont you find it abrupt if a party choose to leave someone for another just because the latter treats him/her a little better? how do you know if that second person is not just a substitution? how do you know if the second person is not who you want? besides all these, there are still many uncertainties.

taking a look at myself, i am not perfect and i seriously think i will be taken for granted in most people's eyes. i think i am one who will give more than what i demand when it comes to relationship. i like the feeling of loving someone instead of being loved- i'll cherish the one i love and not the one who love me. when i finally realised there's always someone out there for me, everything's too late.

there are much more examples to describe the above situation, whether or not they are in the same context. this may seem insignificant, but it actually applies to everyone.

why am i saying all these? i just want to let everyone know that making the right choice is important. a right choice is definitely not a rash one. always consult someone close when it comes to making a choice, especially when you are caught in a delimma.

i'm not emo, its just the way i feel...

just when i am so damn bloody broke this month, there are actually so much things that i wanna buy.



i went IMM earlier on with meiyi and susu for dinner... i was thinking of purely dinner only and simply nothing else, so i walked around, remembered my this cute 哥 tempted me with his new buy which was placed in his car. susu brought me to the shop, and taadaaa. i saw the new toy. damn. its not mushroom this time loh...

cute?

these toys above they can actually make sound when you hit them and its damn cute. i'm attracted to them. but i got no money to get. =(

it was so tempting and i think susu could see them on my face. he offered to pay for me first which i dun wan to because i got tons of debts to clear next month and i still owe him some money too. i kept asking him to put back, but the more i asked to, the more he tempt me. damn. all of you must be thinking why meiyi never do anything right? she was standing 1 side laughing at us loh.. what else... she only knows how to "PORK" me nowadays... roarsss!!!

i wanted to walk out of the shop and told susu next month then i come back get, but it was left with only 2 sets there. i knew it myself next month they will definitely be sold out. was rather disappointed. but i dun have spare amount to spend already.

susu asked again, "you sure u dun wan huh? i help u pay 1st la..."

me: "......." *Shake head*

susu: "buy la buy la..."

me: "..."

susu: "ok, buy."

he asked the question, he answered himself. -.-"

and the toys are placed at my place now. feel happy that i got them but at the same time, i feel myself even poorer next month. because its christmas next month. sorry people if u cant receive any presents from me... hahaha!

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

i seriously need a lot of money!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

=(

my heart is numbed.

it's terrible when you can't get to sleep at night.
you just toss and turn on your bed with your eyes wide open.

what's my mind thinking about?

i'm not sure either.

i seem to have some matters in me and yet i find it hard to voice out.


the whole damn thing is trapped inside me. makes me feel very "xin ku".

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

my brother is ready for his prom tonight with my help a little here and there!

and he looks damn bloody handsome can?


my handsome brother!

and he booked MAXICAB with his classmates to go their prom night which is located at Sentosa. damn. kids nowadays are farking rich loh.

hope he enjoy himself tonight.

time flies, my brother had grown up already... he is going to be a real man in less than a month's time.

=)

记得要忘记

要忘记以前的一却真的很不容易

i was walking alone on the streets and my mind wandered around...

if it wasn't meant to be, why do i have to meet you 3 years ago?

if it was that easy like what people had said...








no worries. just being emo for a while. i will be fine. no worries.

i was "chased" home today by my boss because of this.

rashes and now still counting

see, this is wat happen when i got the mood to work hard. damn damn damn. double damn. triple damn.

had a chat with a friend when i got home just now. she mentioned that i changed a lot from last time. i still think if not for what had happened, i think i will never change. haha! i'm glad i had changed for the better and people tried to accept who i am. =)

with so many good friends around me, how can i still be unhappy with my life? =D

what do you get after eating many sinful meals for almost 1 whole week?





































































































Weight gained.

dinner was fantastic last night. with all the nice people around me. i'm glad we all had fun last night. look at the amount of food we have for 10 persons.

isnt it a sinful dinner>

after dinner, all of us played blackjack together. wanted to win su su's money before he can go back but who knows, this su su actually won most of money back. -.-" i think he must have done something to the cards we played. =X but well anyway, dave went back first followed by emily then cindy. the rest of us were playing mahjong till about 7am in the morning. bird, lin, rene and miao said it was the most "terrifying" mahjong games they had ever played.. the amount is bigger than they usually play but that doesnt stop them from having fun at the mahjong. i think bird did lots of "heart pounding" moment which cost su su's weak heart to go even weaker. LOL

i hope everyone enjoyed the food and the companion. there will definitely be more to come. let's all look forward together! =)

i used to have my "qin ai de Cute ge" looking like this below.

but i dunno what happen out of a sudden, he became like this.

see? my "cute ge" become "cute jie" liao. sigh....

had been eating very sinful meals for the past few days and causes my throat not to be very good. but its really great to hang out with good friends.

been thinking about what i want in a relationship nowadays. i realised that 我已经什么都不要了. i learnt from mistakes and i really dun wan anything now anymore. its really nice to be cared by someone who likes you and the feeling is great. i had never experience this before and i am still getting used to it. but come to think of it again, i am selfish to just enjoy this feeling and neglected the other party's feelings. i dun wanna lead him on yet at the same time, i scare i will hurt him. i'm not perfect, i shouldnt be choosing. but when it comes to feelings, u can never control it. i'm afraid of getting hurt again and therefore i know being hurt isnt a good feeling. and i really dun wanna hurt this person. my heart is numbed. whatever he had done for me so far, had touched me but not my heart. i cant accept a relationship just because he is nice to me. the feelings has to be there. i dunno how to open my mouth to say this to him. but i know this day will come somehow. i hope friends around me will not blame me. and i know u people want the best for me as well. i cant lie to myself anymore.

my throat is in pain. damn.

i told some friends that i'm going to blog this.




i'm emo today. i'm glad that i can be emo too.



=)







my great friends

still missing of a few people but its the thoughts that counts.

sorry to have made people worried about me last night. and i am happy that u all actually cared so much about me. thanks. i will try not to keep things to myself le... =)

i had an interesting sms exchange with bird yesterday.

bird: friday slack till yesterday. i now no mood to work le la. :( influence by u all

me: haha! i never hor. i so nice. i also at work now. like zombie though. still suffering from overeating-sinful-meal-from-last-night symptoms.

bird: i'm suffering from the overplay-sleep-not-enough-sickness lei. haha. tonight we 2 go see doc. lol

me: haha. ok! we got serious problem. work hard today ba. its a new week! though monday blues is kinda serious today :-)

bird: ya. it's so blue tat it turn purple. :-) back to work. try harder ba.


thats how our sms went. kinda cool? i smiled at myself when i read her reply. so damn funny.


anyway, its still a tuesday blue today... boring! thanks james for sending me back last night!
alright, i better do something now.

update again soon!


editted:

i had a chat with a friend whom i haven been contacting for probably 2 years?

have i changed? my thinking? my decisions in life? am i a different person now? she said i had changed.

we talked about relationships. this topic had always been our regular since we known each other and right now, we are still talking about it.
i'm not saying u are childish. its just that u should change ur thinking towards r/s in a more adult way and not being so naive. loving sum1 that kind of feeling, everyone had been thru it. its not easy to melt his heart, but if he appreciates you, he definitely will. dun push urself down just because u think u dun look good in appearance, a good man will never talk abt looks in a r/s. and a good man will never have an underground relationship with you when he already had a gf for more than 2 years. u should know what i am trying to say here. i dun think i am that mature or have the right to give u a lecturing but u are still a friend to me and i seriously hope u will get urself out of this mess and move on. its never a good thing to be a 3rd party. eventually u will only get hurt and the guy will just go away scot-free. why let urself fall deeper into the pit when u already know there's a ladder to help u get out of it? think again. u know what is right and what's not. with me saying so much, it probably wun get into ur head. but think again. does it worth doing so much? do u think he is the 1 for u? there's sum1 for everyone out there. including me, including you. it's just the time after all. think about what i had said. i'm sure u are old enough to think already.

take care

hope serene had enjoyed herself as much as we do

and also, the birthday presents she had received from us and her melrene.

when i saw her tears of joy, it was a moment i think i dunno how to use words to describe. but i know she is happy. i think she had her wonderful birthday this year with her special someone spending with her.

ceiling, must be happy and xing fu wor! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!



i was showering earlier and when i was trying to dry myself with the towel, damn, i saw a cockroach!!! and it can fly!!!! T%%T))^&%(*)(_&^%&))(&&*
i'm not afraid of insects but a flying cockroach???
damn! i hate it! i hate lizards and moths too!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
the goosebumps on me, i still have it!!!!

roarsss!!!

i love my ladies...

i love my outings with them!

the guys are nice and funny...

and definitely i love our firendship... heez.

but one thing i hate...

the late nights that caused all my pimples to pop out! damn!



hey, thanks for the mug ya? really thoughtful of you to go and get it for me.. really thanks.. =)

sweet dreams people!

the disturbings, the teasing, the fun, the laughters are all nice.

though it irritates me a little, but seeing my friends smiling away, i cant bear to be angry with them. because all of them are nice.

the feeling is weird...
but still, there are lots of time ahead...




my friend, please be clear of what you are doing please. everyone is worry about you. dont let us worry too much for you. we dun wanna see u with any harm. please sort out your thinking. all of us are just a phone call away from you... because we are friends.

i'm still bothering about my paper yesterday... dunno why...

1st time i felt trouble over my exams...

hmmmmm....

today was a good day to start off for the week until unfortunate things started to happen on me when the day was about to end.

1st i was waiting for the train at boon lay and i was squeezed to the back and i couldnt make it inside the 1st train i was waiting. then came the 2nd train, not much people and so i managed to get a seat, place myself in gd position and started to go into my Lalaland in the train.

at chinese garden stop, i was tapped on my lap and the SMRT attendance said all passengers got to alight because the train was faulty. i was not only disturbed of my sleep and i got to squeeze with even more people at the stop to get on the next train. by then, my watch showed the time 6.30pm (my class starts at 7pm) and yes, i was late for my class.

i moved myself into the train out of courtesy so that passengers could board the train. the journey seems hours to me. finally, "Ding Dong, Lavender". i fasten my pace to the door to alight but i was blocked by many brainless, idiotic dumbass morons in the train. "Door Closing..." tadaa!!!! i was just behind the door. damn. i missed my stop! got no choice but to alight at the next stop and took the train back to Lavender again. i was already late by then.

i was panicking. i scare i couldnt make it on time for my test paper. i quicken my pace and rush to the classroom. test paper were on my desk, i started to look at it. and guess what?







i totally forgotten whatever i had studied the day before. my brain was in a blank. nothing came up for that 1 and a half hours while i was sitting for my paper. i handed in a blank answer sheet with just my name, date and question numbers on it.
the last time i did this, was when i was having my Combined Humanlities paper during O levels.


damn. i actually did hand in that BLANK PIECE of answer sheet! i'm sad. why couldnt i think of anything at all? why must i panick? damn damn damn.



but whats done cannot be undone. i just got to do even better for the rest of my papers to pull up my results. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. i'm such a disappointment!





no more As... = no more treats... =(

i received a news from my brother last night. it was rather shocking.

i hope this friend of mine will be alright. though we arent that close. =)
i doubt u will read this too, but u gonna stay strong. your sister will be alright ya?


i never like receiving such news. especially after... you know... ya.. thats right...


mum just told me over lunch that she dreamt of my late father last night. she didnt see him in the dream but only his voice. thinking back, it had been a long time i heard his voice... sigh...

i dunno if i had gotten over my late father's death. somehow i still feel everything is like a dream to me. and its a dream that i can never wake up from.

time will heal the pain in us. but how long all of us got to take?

ahhhhh. a fun night out with my ladies and the guys tonight!

we went town together with james and mel with david joining us a little later for dinner. too bad, vincent susu couldnt meet us, if not i think we will be very noisy because susu is noisy loh.. LOL..

we had NYDC for our dinner which i think half of the time i was concentrating on my DS lite games than the food. the food didnt taste good too. but well, anyway, we headed off to Mustaffa after that. Cindy and Huilin and Andrew joined us too! had a hard time looking for a parking lot though.

i think its the 1st time for most of my frenz to be there. we had lots of fun! keep laughing loh. and its something i had always wished for. and i think its oso the 1st time when so big group is walking together loh. oh ya, Kev aka Papa joined us too. we headed out to a coffee shop outside mustaffa and crapped there. again, i was concentrating on my DS lite. haha! but anyway, david left for another party, Kev went home and the rest of us headed to Geylang for supper!

yes! i brought my gers to "Wan To Sek" for supper. i think we ordered like 13 plates of dimsum and nothing was left there. haha! the chilli was great, the company was good, the people were nice and of cos, CUTEFENZ is there! hahahahhaahah!!!

james was kind enough to send all of us home safely. throughout the journey inside his car, we were watching the movie "Transformers". so cool to watch a show while you are on the road you know? hahaha!
its like wat emily had said, "we watched this show from jurong to geylang then from geylang back to jurong" haha. when u hear her say, its like so funny loh! hahahahaha!

oh well, i think its bedtime already.

good night everyone.

monday blues in on the way... i can foresee it... arghh!!!


ROARSSS




its always what i wanted... to see all my friends hanging around together happily and laughing together... somehow i think it happened... and i'm glad it is...



PS: if u wanna read more detailed about my Bangkok trip, please read Vincent's blog. =)

i did an impulsive buying today! dun ask me about it!!!!

but i am still happy with what i had bought. so ya... :P


how come almost every blog i am reading, all got songs de? NBZ. think i going to do something about it to my blog as well... roars!!!!

just got home around 10plus after a nice dinner at balestier road. i think i was "er dao" that i finished my food faster than rene, mel and james.

i think i had put on weight much more than before. since i started my "holidays". its time to do something i think. hmmmm....

before meeting with rene ad mel, i was out to my grandma's place because haven been visiting her for sometime already. stayed for around 1 hour or so, my mum, bro and I headed off to raffles city for some shopping then to marina square for a while. mood wasnt good so i sms uncle david if he was free to meet up for dinner or what, then he called to meet me under vincent susu's block. so i dropped mum n bro at our place and ask the cab driver to go susu's place. timing was just nice, susu came down and off we went to coffee club at holland village.

it was a chilling session for the guys, david, vincent and james. i'm like kinda extra there. but who cares? just didnt wanna be home just now.. was enjoying listening to their conversation then many ppl sms me for mahjong. LOL. but i was outside la.. cant play loh. then cindy called me. though we didnt chat for long, but it had been sometime i chatted with her over the phone. i think i miss the times when all of us gers are gossipping abt guys, shopping, entertainment news, sex, our laughters, our giggles... how time flies! 2 more years and it will be a decade for our friendship. ahhhhhhhhhhh, i really miss my ladies! when are we going to have a gathering just for us gers? =(

back to my day today, after coffee-ing at HV, me and james headed to vivo to meet up with rene and waited for mel to finish his work. then yeah, its dinner time!

and i am still full now! stomach bloated. damn it.


rene having her TP tml, hope she will pass and she can bring me around driving her dad's car! cant wait! must pass hor ceiling?!



its nice to see ceiling and sista in love! they are "xingfu" de... =)











it had been a while i feel this way... i wish for this to end soon... '


awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. i miss hongfei! haha! (happy bo?) i miss you because u still owe me a treat! hahahahahaha!

i found a khaki!

hmmm. let it be a secret.

my motivation.

my determination.

pray for me.

this time i am serious about it. =)

i'm back! how's everyone doing? =)

it was a great trip to bangkok. i had fun there. the shopping, the eating, the people, my companions, the walking, the laughters, etc etc were all very nice.

many photos are being taken. and i am damn lazy to upload them all. i shall post a few nice ones for all of u to see. =) that will be when i am free to edit the pics. LOL

and i went to see the "ah gua" showcase. it was really a good experience. they are all real pretties i should say. incredible. i myself as a real female, feel a bit ashame of myself. LOL. but cant be helped, i am lazy to do all the dolling up. unless i am very free. haha.

definitely, i bought lots of stuff too. bags, sandals, t-shirts, jerseys, watches and their local snacks. 1 lugguge went, about 2 and a half lugguge back. cool isnt it?

poor susu injured his calf (dunno i spelt correct here) and he had trouble walking properly for the 1st 2 days but lucky that, he was fine after being massaged. and i think he is back to normal already.

and poor melvin fell sick on sunday. vomited abt 6 litre of unknown liquid inside him. heard it was dark in colour. and he had trouble finding his appetite back. hopefully he is feeling better now. =)

i got lots of things to write in my post. but suddenly, everything just went blank. haha

anyway, i gonna thanks susu and melvin for their understanding and concern throughout the trip. especially when u guys had to wait for 2 and a half hours for my manicure and pedicure to be done! and also for tolerating my constant whinings, horrbile mood swing and terrible complaints every now and then. more of such trip again ya? it is fun and i enjoyed myself a lot.
i hope u guys had enjoyed together with my company as well.


ahhhh. i think i'm falling sick.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!

i'm so excited now! i had never been on a plane before!!!

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

i'm going bangkok in a few hours' time!!!



*nervous****


i will take care of myself there de.. no worries people.. heez...
it will be a 6 days' trip. i will be back on the 6th! miss me ok? heez


*cheers***

heavy dinner cum supper doesnt feel good when its about bedtime.

poor emily who already had her dinner had to eat with us for the sake of eating. but what to do? that's what friends are for. right? LOL

crab session was great and the conversation were great too. as always, laughter are filled up all over the place. and i'm glad everyone enjoyed it. =)

seeing how sweet this couple-going-to-be "MelRene", really brighten up everyone's smile. not just to friends around them but always to themselves. it had been a while i last seen the sweet smile on rene's face and its great to see her smiling, why? because i cannot see her eyes!!!! =X



i'm kidding.

i hope they will be happy when they are together. hehe.

as for myself, my bus driver hasnt appear yet... because the bus stop hasnt set up its exact location yet. =)


had a chat with emily in the afternoon in MSN. and we talked about MAN. yes MAN as in MALE. i think i describe them in my own way for example, "food".
well, its a secret. LOL