what have i done so far to accomplish myself?

a friend of mine said i'm job hopper, am i?

i had been bumping around doing nothing since i resigned from my previous job. and each time i tried to set a goal for my new job, i forget all about the goals i had once set for myself. there are just so many times i told myself not to do this, not to do that, ended up? i'm still doing this and that. in fact, compared to my peers, i'm so much lower and lousier than them. in terms of education, i'm already so much behind than anyone of them. so what if i got many friends in real life or in IRC? when it comes to future, i'm nowhere. i'm just stranded in an island for someone to save me.

why do i even bother about losing my damn heavy weight? fat then fat la.. who bother slimming down? i just wanna build up my confidence level, so that i can be more assure of my own abilities and my capablities. i can just ignore all these and continuing eating and eating and doesnt care at all. but because i wanna give myself a chance to see how ugly life is and how true this world is, i gave up my ego, and start going on diet. yet, i still got reprimanded.

what is it that people want from me?

i know i often give excuses to not do things i wanna do. besides excuses, what else can there be?

this is just me.

this time round, a new job, a new environment, i'm not setting any targets for myself anymore... only one.... 1 year... all i need is 1 year... thats all.

i'm badly demoralised. i'm not feeling good now. hopefully a good night rest will do me good.

this is amazing! i went for interview with my swollen face! how cool sia.. =P


i'm supposed to blog about something but i had forgotten about it...


i shall show u all my new man ok? =P






i will blog a longer post next time round.. too lazy to go into details about my interview.

Hiroshi Abe




He is my new man! =D

having watch the fund raising show for the china earthquake on channel 8 right now, tears welled up in my eyes. its really heart breaking to see many had lost their loved ones.

this guy, who had never aim big things in his life, yet tried to hold on to his life for 79 hours, the rescuers called up his wife, he spoke to her, asking her to wait for him to be back because he cant wait to see his wife delivering his child.. and after 6hours of rescuing, on his way to hospital, his breathing stopped.

a woman, died in a weird position underneath those rumbles, actually covered her 4th month baby under her, and with a handphone besides the baby saying, “宝贝，如果你还活着的话，一定要记得我爱你。。。”

tears rolled down from my cheeks. compared to the pain i had been thru, mine is actually nothing compared to them.

1 minute of silence to these victims who didnt manage to survive this disaster.

and salute to these rescuers, who actually lost their lives when trying to save the victims.

i removed my wisdom teeth on friday. yes, all 4 at once. incredible? i was under GA so, i didnt know what happened inside the operation suite. i only know when i woke up, my whole jaw was numb and i cant control what i was talking. haha! the doc who gave me GA was kinda cute though... his eyes were perfect... omg! i better not talk about him too much... haha!



the kick came when the numb feeling was gone. my whole mouth was so farking pain that i wanna cry out loud but i didnt. ate ice cream to ease the pain. can u believe it? i cant even talk with my mouth wide open. i cant even laugh or smile. how pathetic it can be right?



my face is now damn swollen, even more worse than a hamster. i cant even sleep well at night. turn right, pain, turn left oso pain... omg! how worse can that be?



porridge is my favourite food now. and drinking water with a straw has to be a habit from now. and guess what? i gonna use a baby spoon to eat porridge.... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!



i shall show u all my wisdom... =D~




ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. FenzSoFat

exam in about another 9 hours soon! great. i'm still struggling. cheer for me! because i know i will fail LOL.

its sentosa after that tml! omg!!! cant wait man~~~ i wanna get burnt!!

wondering what have i been up to recently?

- attended david's wedding on sunday
- went ktv with some of my friends and cindy at Shenton way partyworld till 6am on Vesak Day
- was sleeping peacefully till melvin teo called 3 times to wake me up
- had mahjong session from 4pm to 2am (with dinner break in between)
- results for this long weekend - happy, fun, tired, broke.

so whats life being unemployed?

- eat
- sleep
- grow fat

interesting eh? thats my life now. i'm turning into to lazy person now. thanks for being jobless. =)

went facial today. (no $$ still can go facial sia) slept there. tired. but damn shiok. haha!

chatted with my friend online earlier on, she said now i'm making an effort to slim down. and i'm glad i did. though its not obvious, at least the hard work is there. i dun wanna be those slim models with weight like 40kg, looking like u are underweight and if wind blows, u will be like flown away. i just wanna slim down a bit more, not for anyone, but for myself. i dun wish to be pretty nor centre of attraction of anyone or anywhere, i just wanna look good and be more confident of myself. and of cos, leave a better first impression to new people i meet. =)

i'm tired of office job and i'm tired of sitting down in office, keying in data every now and then. it bores me and its certainly not my style. but i'm still in the midst of nowhere. i wanna study but i can't. i wanna work something that allows me to learn this real world. i wanna meet new people and allows me to interact more with people and to build my social network and to improve my communication. oh well... i'm thinking too much... i should just let it be. haha!

and thanks emily for the reminder that i need to remove my wisdom tooth this coming friday. -.-

and i got an exam this thursday too! great job. doubt i can pass. sighh.. but i will be heading off to sentosa after that! for what? to get myself burnt. =D

congrats to david aka my cute 哥



wish u a blissful marriage ahead!

i bet everyone now should know about the earthquake that hit china on monday now.
been watching the news since yesterday and it certainly bring tears to my eyes. i just wish that everyone who is trapped there or whatsoever, be saved as soon as possible. may god bless everyone of them.

natural disasters happened one after another. is this the sign of 世界末日?

if it is, what will happen to all of us?

for a moment, the fear of dying is within me... if tomorrow is the last day, what will u do?

friends come and go at different stage in our lives.

good friends are hard to come by, let alone to withstand all kinds of whatsoever-shitty-matters throughout the years of being good friends.

time changes everyone, not just myself or yourselves, but everyone.

one more friend is always better than one more foe. we all learnt from mistakes.

i learnt a lesson today.

we are all still good friends. no matter what it takes, let's just move on.

=)

what do you want me to do then you will be happy with me? what is that everything i do or i had decided, you seem to have objections? i'm old enough to know whats good and whats bad. i know you are worried for my future, but look, aint i worry myself too? i dun wish to see myself a failure in the future either, i wanna give u a good life, have a car to drive you around spore for good food, i wanna have a stable income enough for u, enough for everyone in the family, i wanna lead a group of people for a better success for the company i work in and there are so many things i wanna do, for you, for brother and for myself.

i had already put studies apart. and what is it that u want? u dun wan me study because this course is expensive and thus, i am reconsidering about everything again. how can u expect me to find a job in such short notice just because u wan me earn for myself? i dun wan waste my time doing things i dun like and ended up i'm wasting time over there, hence creating a lot of trouble. i wanna think properly so that i will not make the wrong choice. i already wasted farking too many time le. i dun wan anymore. u get it?

i'm farking fed up about many things that are happening around me now. can dun add on to my problems a not? my mood is farking bad le and i dun wish to quarrel with u and ended up causing u hurt and angry over me. i tried to keep my cool but because u are my mum, i took all in with my patience... u know i had grown up already, so please.. please give me freedom to do what i want can?

sighh...

great. wisdom tooth. now i cant even talk, making my mouth stinks big time. =( and my cheeks looks swollen. ahhhhh.. i never like going to the dentist...


yucks...

on another hand, it means i'm becoming wiser. LOL


anyway, some pics for entertainment.

susu trying to poke my nose
they look sad with me... why???
with the lead male character of the night!
yes! i'm cute!!!!
i tried to look normal in this pic.. but look at melvin...
i was hungry
discreet please!
你一口，我一口，大家越吃越可口
the funny couple
1 happy + 3 emo men
this is how big a room is, for just 8 persons
hmmm
they actually got a thing for each other since 10 years ago
wahahahaha! look at his feet!!!!!
PE teacher is singing!
he wanna take pic with miao, yet he go cover ppl's face.. -.-"

i'm done with my updates. going rest soon. headache the whole day.. nitez all. miss me! maucksss

i'm officially jobless now. very cool~

=D

suddenly in the middle of the night, ceiling told me i'm hers... so...

i'm ceiling's de... whoever wants me, please get permission from her! thank you. i worth a lot by weight. take note. =) sorry for any inconvenience caused. do give her a call if u need any enquiry. thank you =D~~~~~

sometimes i just wish that i can have more determination to do things, so i wont let people look down on me. i wish i can have some directions for my future, but i seem to be aimless. the confidence i used to have, seems to have gone somewhere else. that kind of "mood" to continue studying is fading... i talked to mum in an agitated tone and i felt bad. but she just cant stop nagging at me. she meant well, yes, and i know. but dun nag at me when my mood is bad.

i really dun feel good. maybe its PMS or wat. something is bothering me. i hate it. i hate this feeling.

trying to hide my unhappiness is really a tough thing to do. perhaps crying will do me good, but my tears is dry. i wanna be someone useful. i'm never good in anything. studies, career, BGRs, human relations, etc i'm just never good.

i just told my mum, how good could it be if i can never grow up. forever be a young kid running around, lying in mum's arms and waiting to be pampered. all these are perhaps my wishful thinking because dad is no longer around. being the eldest at home, i had to bear the responsibility to take care of my family. god must be playing prank on me. i'm growing up day by day, and yet i still cant see what i want. could this be just the end of me?

humans are soft hearted by nature i guess. and i believe everyone surrounding me is the same as well. i haven been blogging a proper entry these days.


oh well. i still cant decide what to blog about. sigh.



i shall post a few pics that i had stolen from ceiling's friendster. =D

and this pic is taken sometime ago le.. during my mummy-to-be friend's wedding.. hurhurhur. i look like some tai tai that night wor...

tml 8 May... 2 years since dad had gone... i haven seen him for 2 years already... i really miss him a lot... =( tears well up in my eyes whenever i think of him... i hope he had now gone to a much more better place than before... i miss you, papa!

this is my 540th post. =D

Friendship
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Friendship is a term used to denote co-operative and supportive behavior between two or more humans. This article focuses on the notion specific to interpersonal relationships. In this sense, the term connotes a relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, and affection along with a degree of rendering service to friends in times of need or crisis. Friends will welcome each other's company and exhibit loyalty towards each other, often to the point of altruism. Their tastes will usually be similar and may converge, and they will share enjoyable activities. They will also engage in mutually helping behavior, such as exchange of advice and the sharing of hardship. A friend is someone who may often demonstrate reciprocating and reflective behaviors. Yet for many, friendship is nothing more than the trust that someone or something will not harm them. Value that is found in friendships is often the result of a friend demonstrating on a consistent basis:


- the tendency to desire what is best for the other,
- sympathy and empathy,
- honesty, perhaps in situations where it may be difficult for others to speak the truth, especially in terms of pointing out the perceived faults of one's counterpart
- mutual understanding.

In a comparison of personal relationships, friendship is considered to be closer than association, although there is a range of degrees of intimacy in both friendships and associations. Friendship and association can be thought of as spanning across the same continuum. The study of friendship is included in sociology, anthropology, philosophy, and zoology. Various theories of friendship have been proposed, among which are social psychology, social exchange theory, equity theory, relational dialectics, and attachment styles.


i had a tiring day today. brother's fever is still going on... no good.. hope he will recover soon. =) my N95 is soon to be declared dead. need to be sent to HQ for repair. >.< which is going to take about 1 week... sigh. every gadgets i bought for myself sure ended up being "killed" by me.. am i really that violent?

hurhurhur...

pics of my birthday will be uploaded at a later date when i had received from my friends.

half my afternoon was spent at the hospital today. brother suspected of dengue fever. hopefully he will be fine after a few days' rest. take care bro! u make me worried. =)

lastly, happy birthday to myself... and alan

hmmmm. wanna blog... but suddenly my mind is in a blank....

yesterday was one of my good friend's ROM. the ROM was held at East Coast Park Tung Luk. first time stepped my foot in. nice environment, good food.
finally, another friend of mine tied her knot with the man of her life.

ahhh. i think i shall let the pics do the talking instead. =D



me & the main female character, HuiTing

their rings


me with the couple!

the handsome bride & the pretty groom =X

man: yesss, i do!
woman: yes, i do!

"I pronounce you husband & wife now."

yeah! Ting, i wish you all the best ya? u will surely be blessed de... =)

some random pics took last saturday during KBOX session at marina square.

look! i'm so cute in the pics above hor? LOL FenzSoCute. =X