jus in case i'm late, i shall wish my family and all my friends,

a very happy chinese new year!!!

新年快乐
恭喜发财

enjoy your holidays!!!

looking at how far i had gone, i'm glad i did not give up.

i had come so far to reach this level... i must be strong...


CNY is coming in less than a week's time, the 3rd CNY without my daddy.

"papa, i miss you... thanks for blessing mummy these few weeks... i know you are always around..."

how may times had i fallen sick this year?
and yes i meant 2009!

damn. so weak!

hope i ca recover before CNY,i wanna play play play, eat eat eat!!!

i cant give up now!

jiayou!

stop being a weakling CHF!

if u are going to give up now, you are a coward!!!

stop crying u fatty!!!

roarsssssssssss

it is always easy said than to be done.

i enjoyed talking to people, i enjoy meeting new people and all these always happen in a casual way. its not that i dont wanna talk to parents, i dunno where should i start and what should i talk to them about. i have to talk to them in a professional way yet like a casual converstaton. how am i suppose to do it? most parents look upon me like as though i am just 18 year old girl who is fresh out of shool, but look! this is the way i look. no matter how i dress, how i make up, or whatever appearance i can change, i still look this way! this is me! i cant just change for the sake of changing. you said grooming is important. and so i took the advice. i bought cosmetic, i doll myself up, i dyed my hair.i tried to speak more in english, but all these, you think thats me? for a better future, yes i know i should change and aint i making effort? haven my scarification more than enough to be seen? i had never thoughtof leaving, neither have i tot of giving up. its not that i dun wanna improve, but where and how should i start? i had never been in such situation before at all! none! how do i manage? i just have to keep everything inside me.

this is hard. i'm handling it all by myself. i cried at work and in front of you many times. 4 months plus and still going on, the number of time i had shed my tears is countless. i dunno if i can still handle all these...

i will still improve. i will speak more english. and hopefully by march, i can show you some progress. =(

when you start thinking of that somebody, does that mean that you miss him or her? Is that how I'm feeling now?

I had let my feelings shown. The last few days I had given it a serious thought. Maybe I should try again if I'm given a chance again.

somehow its different this time for sure I promise.

been a while since i last went out alone with my brother. so yesterday i decided to head over to Jurong point with my brother and do some shopping with him.

we went to a shop, and happened to meet one of my primary school friend there. while my brother was trying on his clothes, i had a short chat with this primary school friend. and it came to a shock to me that, he is married (which i knew it sometime ago but slipped off my mind).

he is 22 (going 23 this year) and his wife is 4 years his senior. i asked him why did he decide to get settled down so young and he told me he did this to give his wife assurance. his wife waited for him to finish his national service and he felt that he should so something about as soon as he ORD. how mature his thinking is being compared to peeps of our age!

so Kok Hau, i wish you and your wife a blissful marriage! (i know you will never read this though, LOL)

commitment is something which i know i can never handle it well (maybe for now) or something which always leave a question mark in my mind.

maybe it is a topic which i dun wanna touch about it.

i wished to love and to be loved in return... but for me to love again, it will never be easy again. the memory haunts, the scar is there. few weeks ago, i thought i climbed out of that hole again.but never did i know, it was just an empty shell. i'm back down inside, waiting for the perfect hands to help me out. i'm not sad, no worries. i just wanna blog it out thats all. haha!

hey people! a belated happy new year to all! wanted to blog about the new year on the first day of 2009 but i was too lazy to do so. haha! so now, here i am to write about my new year.

had a short steamboat session and mahjong session @ Mr KM's place and went off after that, becuz susu, mel, rene, lin and miao were coming my place. as usual, whats our usual pastime during holidays? gamble loh. my gers were all crazy. dunno whats with their "nonya addictions" that night. all went haywired badly. haha! but all of us had fun.

i dunno if any of you read my brother's blog often, but i read his blog whenever he has an update. he summarized 2008 happenings and he wrote a message for me,

"to my cutest sister, u are the most independent woman i've met in my whole entire life, and im serious about this okie. u are the one who can read my mind really well. and u are also the one who i noe i can depend on no matter how wrong things go for me. u are also supportive of my ideas. although we might not see each other frequently but hey, absence make the heart grow fonder right? jus wan to say a big thank you to you. and also let u noe that i love you very very much (:"

i didnt know my brother had always thought so highly of his sister and i am glad that i m his role model (except studying) LOL.

anyway, take this chance to let all of you know, i had decided to remain as what i am now. being single is still better. i know i am bad. i feel sad too. but i guess its just not the right time yet. =)